Rat Race
by Mr. Neptune
Summary: Rat Race and SSBM. All the fighters are on some random quest for a "so called" treasuregift, whatever. It's fairly funny, read is interested. Ch 7, Zelda peoples and Roy!
1. It's a Race!

Welcome to a Mr. Neptune fic! R & R, or suffer...from...something that I cannot think of yet, but pretty bad...yeah. Flames will be greatly laughed at. HA, just like that.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the SSBM World or characters. I'm just screwing with them.  
  
UuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuU  
  
(Master Hand sits alone on top of Final Destination)  
  
Master Hand: Garrrrrrraghle! *waves around with white magical dust!*  
  
(Suddenly, all the Super Smash Bros Melee (SSBM) appear out of nowhere. They are obviously confused)  
  
Master Hand: Welcome!  
  
Fox: Why the heck are we here?  
  
Mario: It's a me. Mario!  
  
Luigi: It's a me. Luigi!  
  
Dr. Mario: It's a me. Dr. Mario!  
  
Bowser: You idiots! Everyone already knows who you are!!  
  
Roy: I'm so pretty!  
  
Marth: So am I!  
  
Ganondorf: (Ignoring the others) Why are we here!? I was just about to beat Link!  
  
Link: You wish, Mr. Bulge  
  
Ganondorf: What do you mean by that!!??  
  
Young Link: What do you think? Your eyes bulge out all the time! And that's not the only thing that bulges out...  
  
Peach: (Realizing what Y.Link meant) Gross...  
  
Zelda: (Also realizing) Ewww.... bad images!  
  
Samus: Zoip!  
  
Falco: (talking to Samus) When will you take that stupid thing off yer head, so we can hear what your saying?  
  
Samus: Zoip!  
  
Falco: Argh, never mind!  
  
Yoshi: Waaasho  
  
Young Link: Shut up, Yoshi  
  
Master Hand: Enough! Silence puppets!  
  
Kirby: Hey, did you really need to call us that?  
  
(Mewtwo smacks Kirby over the head to shut him up)  
  
Master Hand: Now, I have an announcement to make!  
  
Popo: Did you save money on your car insurance?  
  
Nana: Or did you lower you're cholesterol?  
  
(For those who don't know, which probably are few of you, Nana and Popo are the Ice Climbers.)  
  
Master Hand: Fools! (ignores them) Now, as I was saying, I have an announcement to make!  
  
Falco: Get on with it!  
  
(Pikachu shocks the crap out of everyone. They immediately shut up)  
  
Master Hand: Now, I am about to enlist you in a game...a special game  
  
Link: Probably for your amusement, no doubt...  
  
Master Hand: Exactly. Good job Link! Now, I am going to give you each a key. Each with your special number on it.  
  
Captain Falcon: Oh, joy...  
  
Master Hand: Garrrrrrrrrrgle! (waves around even more white dust)  
  
Zelda: Is the screaming really necessary?  
  
(Ignoring Zelda, everyone was granted with a magical key...)  
  
DK: (grunting) Huh?  
  
(Everyone's number is!!! (drums roll)  
  
Mario-1  
  
Luigi-2  
  
Link-3  
  
Samus-4  
  
Fox-5  
  
Bowser-6  
  
Kirby-7  
  
Popo-8  
  
Nana-9  
  
Ness-10  
  
Zelda-11  
  
Roy- 12  
  
Ganondorf- 13  
  
Pichu- 14  
  
Falco- 15  
  
Young Link- 16  
  
Dr. Mario- 17  
  
Jigglypuff- 18  
  
Yoshi- 19  
  
Marth- 20  
  
Captain Falcon- 21  
  
Peach- 22  
  
Donkey Kong- 23  
  
Pikachu- 24  
  
Mewtwo- 25  
  
Mr. Game & Watch- 26  
  
(That is all the numbers remember them well)  
  
Mr. G & W: Whats the point?  
  
Master Hand: I have hidden a great treasure in one of lands...  
  
Mewtwo: Care to tell us what it is?  
  
Master Hand: What? I'm not going to tell you. *starts to laugh* Now, the keys you have are the 'key' to opening the treasure chest!  
  
Bowser: Boring, who cares?  
  
Mario: Why would we a want ta find this a treasure?  
  
Master Hand: Lets just say it will make you the most powerful fighter in this game. Maybe even stronger than me...  
  
(Everyones eyes bulge, (Ganondorf's more than usual))  
  
Pichu: Pi-chu Pi-chu Pi  
  
Master Hand: I have hidden it within the different realms of SSBM. You may make groups or go separate, doesn't matter, but what does matter is that this race starts...NOW!  
  
Mr. G & W: (slightly giggling) It's a race! It's a Race!  
  
UuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuU  
  
(and thus began the SSBM Rat Race!!!!!)  
  
Read, Review, you know, all the things we crave with our fics. Chapter two, coming next week! 


	2. And they're off!

So I didn't get this chapter last week. Sue me. Well I was busy with stuff. Mostly my other fic. I'm almost done with it though. So, here ya go.  
  
********************************  
  
Master Hand: So, any questions?  
  
Pikachu: This is a joke right?  
  
(Everyone stares at Pikachu)  
  
Pikachu: Uh, I mean...Pika pika....chu?  
  
(Suddenly everyone realizes that Fox, Falco, and G & W were already heading off. The three of them jumped off the edge of Final Destination.)  
  
Peach: What will happen when we find this so called 'treasure'?  
  
Master Hand: Confetti will fall, a not surprising, horrible, band will come and blare they're instruments in your face, you know, some kind of celebration.  
  
Roy: Bloorble com markiantinite  
  
Master Hand: What?  
  
Zelda: He's speaking Japanese, the only language he can speak  
  
Master Hand: But, him and Marth both spoke English last chapter.  
  
Link: Author drug mistake.  
  
Master Hand: Oh, I see. Hey, I don't remember you being able to talk, Link.  
  
Link: Didn't anyone read Mr.Neptune's other fic, a day Link was picked on? I got my voice from there.  
  
Everyone has no idea what the heck Link was talking about. They all just shrugged and hit him.  
  
Marth: Glaze-b  
  
Young Link: What the ^*3@#5!!  
  
C.Falcon: What does ^*3@#5!! Mean?  
  
Young Link: Apparently, im not suppose to swear.  
  
C.Falcon: This fic is PG-13  
  
Young Link: ohhhhhhh, okay then, What the Fuck!  
  
C.Falcon: Don't swear that badly! Save it for R fics.  
  
Young Link: Okay...what the..crap?  
  
C.Falcon: [shrugs] eh, that works.  
  
And with that everyone is off. They take they're separate ways. In groups that is. As Falco, Fox, and G & W ride off on Great Fox, the Axe of Evil, a group unity of Mewtwo, Bowser, and Ganondorf, ride on the poke floats.  
  
Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff, seal themselves in pokeballs and force Ash to run as fast as he can and search for it.  
  
Donkey Kong swings from vine to vine in a forest with Yoshi and Kirby on his back.  
  
Ness travels in a energy ball by himself.  
  
Nana and Popo go up in the sky, higher than Final destination. Why? Because they're climbers! They can only go up!  
  
Mario, Peach, Luigi, and Dr.Mario, ride the flying boat of Rainbow Cruise.  
  
Zelda and the two Links travel on the turtle of great bay.  
  
Roy and Marth are lost and confused. They can't get help because they can only speak Japanese. (although I could easily make them speak English, I'd rather not, makes the story more fun).  
  
So in the end, Peach took Marth, and Zelda took Roy. Why? You figure it out. Okay, they both want a pretty boy with them. Zelda gets lucky as she gets two.  
  
As for Samus and C.Falcon. They decided to watch the others race on the cameras, with Master Hand. And so, they're OFF!  
  
UuUuUuUuUuUuUuU  
  
Next chapter...whenever I get to it. 


	3. Star Fox Series Pt 1

So, this story is still alive? Yes, i did say in my last chapter that this one would be put up whenever. So, you can't sue! Well, you can try, but hey, I did update, even if it was almost half a year or longer. Anyhoo, lets continue...

_And so we will continue are long waited misadventure with the Star Fox crewplus GW (Game Watch), who are on Great Fox._

Falco: so now what?

G W: well this is the part where the author has something interesting happen to give this chapter a purpose.

(awkward pause)

_Oh yeah, that's me! Well, I guess I shall make Star Wolf and his posse of losers (Star Fox 64 baddies) appear for a somewhat interesting battle._

Fox: But we'll win of course, right?

_Mayyyybbbeee_...(demented smile)

Wolf: ha ha, I'm finally in the spot light again!

Falco: You were never in the spot light. We always beat you.

Fox: This guys are in our way. We need to get to the sacred treasure!

Wolf: Can't let you do that Star Fox

Leon: Andross has ordered us to take you down...

Fox: I already destroyed him, idiot!

Pigma: Daddy screamed real good, before he died!

_Through the magic of magicalness, James Mc Cloud appears!_

James: I didn't bloody die! I'm alive and right here!

_For those who can't tell, the lines from Leon, Pigma, and Wolf all is just plagiarized from Star Fox 64._

_Then James disappeared, because I can't really think of anything else for him to say._

So its on to the Star Fox vs. Star Wolf.

Star fox's team consists of...

Fox

Falco

Mr. Game Watch

Star Wolf's team consists of...

Wolf

Leon

Pigma.

Let round one of Fox vs. Wolf begin!

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUu

Round #1

_Mr. Game and Watch vs. Leon?_

_Sure...why not?_

G W: Let us begin, Evil Bacon Attack of DOOM!

Leon: What the? I thought those were sausages...

G W: They could be...either way they are EVIL! cymbals clash

_Since Leon is not a Smash Bros Melee character, he has useless moves._

Leon: ummmm...Camouflage technique!

_And through the magic of...more magic stuff, he blends into his surroundings._

Leon: HA! Now you can't see me!

_G W swings his bell in the air smacking Leon in the face._

Leon: How did you know?

G W: You idiot, you practically yelled. I could hear you...

Leon: (revelation) oh, right...

G W: now to finish you off! Level 9 hammer attack!

_smacks Leon with level 1 hammer_

G W: Crap. Lets try again!

_smacks Leon with negative level 3 hammer, actually healing Leon._

G W: Double crap. One more shot!

_finally smacks Leon with level 9 hammer sending Leon flying off stage._

Fox: nowto take careWolf, and Pig...

Round two will begin in a later chapter. When will it be up, im not sure. Hopefully i won't wait as long as i did before...tee hee...be patient, and i'll try not to be so lazy.


	4. Ice Climbers Series pt 1

_Wow, Mr. Neptune sure updated faster than last time...Anyhoo!_

_So, who do we move onto now? Just let me pull a piece of paper out of this hat here, and...next up is the Ice Climbers!_

_But how could they be any interesting? They're the Ice Climbers; we know they aren't going to reach the treasure. They can only go up!_

_Well, let's see...I could make this an interesting chapter, and I could make something happen so that the Ice Climbers would have a possibility of actually reaching the treasure..._

_...or I could just end this chapter now, be blunt, and basically just state that the Ice Climbers went UP forever and um...uh...I know, then they DIE._

_But that would just suck, wouldn't it._

Ness: This fic already does suck.

_Up yours, the author didn't ask for opinions!_

magically blows up Ness with mind.

_There, one competitor down. Anyhoo, as I was saying..._

_Oh, yes, the Ice Climbers! Okay, to make this a fairly entertaining chapter, I think I'll give Nana a "nagging wife" personality, and Popo a weird drug fetish._

_Yesssss...that's gooood...right?_

Popo: Onward to the treasure!

Nana: But we can only climb! And we're already on the tallest place in the land (final destination).

Popo: Then we'll do what we do best?

Nana: Juggle?

Popo: No!

Nana: Cook?

Popo: Close!

Nana: Climb?

Popo: Yes, although I have no idea how cooking and climbing relate.

_And for that, neither do I (the author)_

Nana: They both start with C

Popo: So they do! But that does not matter now! We must climb!

Nana: But how do we climb midair, there are no mountains here!

Popo: We're the Ice Climbers. We can climb anything!

Nana: You're such a dope!

Popo: Speaking of dope...slowly reaches into pocket...

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuU

Later...(5 hrs later)

Nana: How much longer? I don't think we're going to make it! I you sure you know what you're doing! And- blah blah blah blah

Popo: _(And she wonders why I do drugs...)_

Magically, they end up on Icicle Mountain, and they are lost.

Nana: This isn't any good...we're never going to reach to the treasure!

Popo: (not paying any attention.)...Mr.Neptune smacks him...OH RIGHT! Don't worry Nana, something good will happen, otherwise this chapter will be a complete waste!

_And since he is right, something does happen! A wizard magically appears with a pot._

Random Wizard: Greetings, I notice you wish you could go down instead of up. Well, if that be the case, jump inside this magic pot...

Popo: Speaking of pot...slowly reaches in his pocket

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuU

_And so..._

Random Wizard: Good. You are now the Ice fallers! Congradgamalationies!

The Ice fallers jump out of the pot. They are drained of color, now that they are the opposite of what they used to be. Popo and Nana are all black and white. Also they're names have changed.

Nono: Hey, it worked!

Papa: Awesome!

All three: Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!

_There. The ice climbers become the ice fallers. See, i can do whatever i want! Well, within reason at least. Anyway, next chapter, next...time...uh...yeah..._

_...Look behind you! Mr. Neptune disappears_


	5. Axe of Evil Series Pt 1

_Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Okay, enough with the multiple letters, its time to get on with the next group of losers cough I mean, "smashers" who are desperately searching for the desired treasure..._

_But first, I would like to thank the few people who have reviewed and the special three who are still following along with this pointless story...hugs for everyone!_

_(everyone runs away at the thought of being hugged by Neptune)_

_Eh, I deserved that...I don't know why, but lets move on anyways..._

_So, who's next...why none of than the group of sinister villians..._

_The Axe of Evil! (Cymbals Clash)_

_For those who forget whose in this group, it is Mewtwo, Ganondorf, and Bowser, who are all currently riding the colorfulness of the Pokefloats!_

_And now, to make this an interesting chapter, lets make them do what everyone least suspects..._

_...And so..._

Ganondorf: (Looking off the edge of an Unknown (a Z shape to be specific) at the other racers below in disgust) Fools! They don't realize that this treasure is already ours.

Bowser: Except for that thing about us not actually having it yet...

Ganondorf: Ah, shut up...

Mewtwo: Ya know...being up here, in the blowing winds, and free skies...kind of makes me want to sing...

Ganondorf: What! We're evil, we can't sing! That will ruin our reputation of being...evil...(cymbals clash once more)

Mewtwo: But we're way up high...who's gonna know?

Bowser: Hey, your right!

Ganondorf: Well, you've got a good point; no one really can hear us.

Mewtwo: how about it?

Bowser: I'm in

Ganondorf: Groan

Music plays. Song: _"The Song of Villains"_

**Mewtwo:**

Oh, here we are, so very high

Looking for that treasure

We're the masters of the sky!

We'll get there soon

We'll get there first

Because we are the best

Everyone else is the worst!

**Bowser:**

Let's go faster

Let's go quick

Anyone in our way

Will be beat with stick

Either that or be lit to a flame

Because that's how us villains like to play this game!

**Ganondorf:**

Why must we sing?

Is this a must?

To sing a fricken song where we can't even cuss

And besides, I'm bad at rhyming

And uh...um...I hate Link!

**Mewtwo:**

But that's okay, you still are great

Everyone soon will have to meet they're fate

Along with ours and that is...

**All three:**

To get that treasure!

**Bowser:**

We'll be better fighters

Than we are now

But if you get in our way, we'll give you a...

**Mewtwo:**

POW! Knock out you're lights

We're so evil during days and nights...

So we'll go with a swift and...

**Ganondorf:**

Um, and will us...damn it!

**Bowser:**

Wrong!

We'll get-

**Mewtwo:**

That-

**Ganondorf:**

Special-

**All three:**

GIFT!

End the _"The Song of Villains"_

Mewtwo: See, that wasn't so bad

Ganondorf: I suck at musicals...

Bowser: under breath and practically everything else...

Mewtwo: Hey, at least no one saw us...

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuU

_...Meanwhile, at Final Destination..._

_Master Hand, Samus, and Captain Falcon are watching the other competetors, and just got done watching the little "Musical". And are basically...laughing they're asses off._

Master Hand: This is great. Let's show everyone, because...um...its funny and embarrassing.

C. Falcon: Chortle

Samus: Zoip!

Master Hand: You guys are idiots!

_.And so another chapter done._

_So I made them have a musical. Who wouldn't have? Okay, no one else, most likely, but still._

_Anyhoo, I'll give you a clue of what's next to come, actually, I'll just say it straight out. Its Ash carrying the three pokemon who are making Ash look for the treasure because they are mean like that._

_SO, see ya next chap..._


	6. Pokemon Series Pt 1

_New reviews, make me feel like a happy...thing...inside!_

_Anyhoo!_

_Yes, so in this chapter, let me remind you that Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff have forced that loser kid...um..._

Samus: Ash!

_Ah, right. Ashhhhh...anyway, the trio forced him to look for the treasure for them, while they have a relaxing time in the pokeballs._

_And soooooo..._

_(In the Pokeball...)_

Jigglypuff: Jiggy...

Pichu: Chu...

Pikachu: Pika...Pika...

Jigglypuff: Puff...jiggly, jiggles...

Pichu: Pi...Pi...Pichu...

Pikachu: Pika's...Pikacha, Pikachuooo...

_Alright, this conversation is seriously boring. After all, they can only say they're names...HEY, if that's the case, I guess Timmy is a Pokemon._

Jigglypuff: Jiggly

Pichu: Chu...

Timmy: Timmy! Timmy!

Pikachu: Pika!

_ARGH, I can't take it. With my awesome AUTHOR POWERS I shall make them be able to speak english. Except for Timmy, he can go back to South Park._

_Anyhoo...again._

Pichu: So, what's the deal Pikachu? I thought you hated Pokeballs...

Pikachu: um...bipolar?

Pichu: Good enough excuse for me...

Jigglypuff: Hey, this is great. That moron Ash is doing the searching for us.

And is that what you really want...?

Pichu: Crap, he's right. Ash would screw up.

UuUuUuUuUuUuU

_(Outside of Pokeballs)_

_Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglyblob come out to see Ash, running around in Onett singing the pokemon theme from the first season._

Ash: (singing) I will travel across the land, searching far and wide! Each pokemon to understand the power that's in-

Pichu: Cut the crap

Pikachu: We're on a mission

Jiggles: for the awesome treasure of...um...awesomeness.

Ash: But that's what I'm doing!

Pichu: And you've done great effort in trying (tosses ash a doggie biscuit) but im afraid we'll have to take it from here.

_Suddenly, for some random reason, Master Hand appears._

Master Hand: Not if I can't help it!

Pikachu: Wha? What the crap are you doing here?

Master Hand: Plot device...

Jiggliees: Get out of our way!

Master Hand: (immaturely) Make me!

Ash: I challenge you to a pokemon battle! If i win, you move and let us go, without hurting us or anything like that.

Master Hand: And if I win, I get you soul!

Ash: Fine whatever, I first choose, Pichu!

Pichu: I hate you so much.

Master Hand: GO, Samus!

_(Samus appears out of thin air.)_

Samus: (shots big blue death ball at Pichu)

Pichu: (dodges balls, and does thunder bolt at samus, but since Pichu takes damage for using his own lightning attacks, they both faint)

Master Hand and Ash: Pichu/Samus you are such a wuss.

Ash: Next I choose...Pikachu!

Pikachu: I also hate you.

Master Hand: Well, I choose, Captain Falcon!

Pikachu: Quick Attack!

C. Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!

_(Falcon knocks Pikachu out)_

Ash: Argh! (runs and kicks C.Falcon in the leg out of anger)

_(C.Falcon is knocked out.)_

Ash: My last issss...Jigglysomething!

Master Hand: And I choose myself!

_(Master Hand blows up Jigg-a-blob with his mind)_

Ash: Awww...crap.

Master Hand: you lose, I own your soul.

_And that is the end of a fast and very weird chapter. Not a, well, since it's only ash that suffers, I guess it is a happy ending._

_Next chapter, later. First...SPRING BREAK! Toodles!_


	7. tLoZ and Roy Series pt 1

_Sigh...spring break is over...oh well, time to kick myself in the butt and continue...soooooo who's next...well, i guess its quite obvious since the chapter title is Zelda plus Roy series, but lets just see how it got to it.._

_(Insert flashback.)_

_Now to figure_ _who's next..._

_Maybe Marth's group? (Marth, Peach, Mario, Luigi, Dr. Mario)_

_Or Roy's group? (Roy, Zelda, Link, Y.Link)_

_How should I choose? Only one way to do it!_

_Marth and Roy...COME FORTH!_

_(Roy and Marth proceed to the author)_

_You know what to do..._

Roy: You're in for now

Marth: No, you're gonna get it.

Roy and Marth: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!

_(Roy pulls a scissors while Marth summons a paper)_

Roy: Hooray! I win...uh...what do I win anyway?

_Nothing, your on soon, get ready, and as for Marth, go doing some that you usually do. Now that that is decided lets move on to Roy and the Zelda's peoples, who are currently riding the super turtle of great bay._

_Oh, I totally forgot that Roy and Marth don't speak English...oh well, this is a bunch of crap anyway._

_Anyhoo, prepare for this chapter to bust yer brain and blow yer guts out...er...or however that SS19 guy put it. Everwhat..._

Y.Link: So, Link...what happens to my life during the seven years?

Link: Like I should know? I was hoping you would tell me!

Y.Link: I guess this means that none of us know...

Link: Man...our lives just suck big time.

Zelda: I know!

Both Links: What happened?

Zelda: You were pretty much trapped in a blue beam of light while you, Y.Link, turned into you Link.

_(Both Links sigh and throw stuff at Zelda. Roy chuckles.)_

Link: You think that's funny?

Y.Link: That we have a huge chunk of our life missing?

Roy: Yeah...its amusing...

Link: Why I oughta

Roy: What? Whatcha gonna do? Huh? Nothing! That's right! Nothing. My sword is twice as big as yours, and three times as big as yours, Y.Link.

Y.Link: Oh yeah? Well-

Roy: You guys got nothing on me. You run around in skirts-

Link: Tunics!

Roy: Whatever, you have hats that somehow never fall over your head, your shield is made of wood, and you guys rarely talk!

_Both links are at a loss for words._

Y.Link: Only one way to settle this!

Roy: It's already settled! I win! You lose! Accept it!

Link: Awww crap. So, Zelda where is this treasure anyway?

Zelda: It's rumored to be hidden in the Hyrule Castle.

Y.Link: And how exactly are we going to get there?

Link: In case you haven't noticed, this turtle can't fly.

Turtle: I have a name you know!

Link: QUIET SLAVE!

Turtle (slave): Yessm masta...

Roy: Anyway, we have no way of getting to the treasure!

_And boy is Roy right. They do have no way to win...I should probably do something about this..._

_...but I'm not going to. I guess they'll lose._

Link: WHAT!

Y.Link: You can't just leave us here and basically kick us out of this search.

_Its not my problem you didn't pick a better use of transportation._

Roy: We'll find a way, I promise.

_So we'll see..._

_And thats it i guess. Onward to the next chapter...whenever I feels likes it._


End file.
